If there's one thing I look forward to on a daily basis it's Fat Girl Lunch Hour. It's a holiday of sorts. Everyday at high noon, fat girls everywhere run for the door hoping to belly up to the food they've been thinking about since breakfast. It's an acceptable practice as long as it's not one minute before high noon. Anything before noon and you might as well wear a sign that says "Big girl is hungry!" It's not a good look. As the leader of the SIF movement, I must also adhere to the high noon standard. Today I met my match in the form of a 300 pound woman squished into a Camry. That should be illegal, fyi. That behatch about plowed me over for rock star parking (parking closest to the door). If anyone could have used a little walk to the trough...trust me it was her. I did what any civilized SIF would do...I let her take the spot and paraded my "not so fat ass" right in front of her to get the first available table. Thas right...at half her size I can park 3 spots away and still beat her big ass to the door! Don't test me...I gots mad skills!
As you can see, I worked up quite an appetite just getting to the door. However, there are some notable benefits to adhearing to FGLH:
1. There's no waiting. Let's face it...the skinny chicks aren't even thinking about lunch until they stop working long enough to realize, "OMG, I forgot to eat." Words never uttered by a SIF. Forget to eat? That's like forgetting to supersize or to hold Taco Bell accountable for the free drink when they forget to ask at the drive through! Stay with me people!
2. The service is quicker. There's nothing worse than being in a crowded restaurant, hungry and having to stalk the waitress for your food! Yes, we are the ones yelling, "I was here before her and her food came first!" While I don't condone yelling (draws attention to the fact that the fat girls are getting rowdy), one can understand such behavior in these situations. It hurts my neck to follow the waitress around the restaurant in hopes of seeing my food. Injuries of this sort aren't pleasant and cause undo emotional eating. We call this injury Waitresstalkitits....sound it out. It's easily cured by 2 parts laziness and one part chocolate.
As you can see, you may have to fight with Thicky Ricardo or AssQuatch for the rock star parking but armed with a plan, a true SIF enters high noon victorious! As I bring this traumatizing day to a close I have to wonder..."Can we have our cake and eat it to?" Stay tuned...
What the hell is a Sister in Fat? It's a bond uniting women everywhere. The inner fatty living deep within all of us. She convinces us supersizing is acceptable as long as we wash it down with a Diet Coke. Here at SIF we celebrate "New Me Monday" EVERY Monday, eat lunch at high noon and hide food from those who judge us. It's not about size sisters. If you have an inappropriate relationship with food and obsess over weight loss/gain...you ARE a SIF! Welcome Home!
1 comment:
Love the blog. I know how much you like your high noon lunch's! What did you have for lunch?
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