Words cannot describe the joy I feel on this momentous day. I realize that there are many days of the year when we pause to reflect on greatness....Boxing Day... Flag Day....but when the world pauses to allow for uncontrolled binge eating...that my friends is Fatty Freedom Day!!! I vote to change the name of Thanksgiving to Fatty Freedom Day post haste! Pilgrims Smilgrims....I'm sure they were PIF (Pilgrims in Fat)...who else could be responsible for such a holiday! History isn't kind to the fatties....full disclosure would be nice for a change....hello. Before things get too out of control, let's take a moment to reflect on the true meaning of the day by putting some ridiculous rumors to rest:
1. Being the first one in the Thanksgiving line is rude. NOT. It's a sign of effective time management and careful execution. These are the qualities great world leaders. Go fatty.
2. Exercise portion control. In my opinion....those three words should never be used in a sentence, around each other or ever again. You kiss your mama with that mouth?
3. Chew your food slowly putting your fork down between bites. Not only is this quite possibly the dumbest thing I've ever laid ears on...it almost sounds like #2 and I'm not quite over the shock of that statement.
4. Don't be the 1st one to get 2nds. Huh....well we heavier sets don't come in first much, so let us have this one, ok? Yeah....we win!
One personal word of warning...don't let the excitement of the day lead to needless injuries: Biting of the lip, random fork wounds, roof of mouth burns and unexpected bouts of choking...chew SIF chew. Remember....it's a marathon not a sprint! Should anyone around you happen to fall into food coma....do not fear. Simply wave the gravy under the nose until such time that the fat once again rises. Happy Day!!!
What the hell is a Sister in Fat? It's a bond uniting women everywhere. The inner fatty living deep within all of us. She convinces us supersizing is acceptable as long as we wash it down with a Diet Coke. Here at SIF we celebrate "New Me Monday" EVERY Monday, eat lunch at high noon and hide food from those who judge us. It's not about size sisters. If you have an inappropriate relationship with food and obsess over weight loss/gain...you ARE a SIF! Welcome Home!
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