Fat Wednesday...

Because that's how I rolls. I'll leave Fat Tuesday to the Cajuns. I don't like espicy. Gives me gas and makes me eat less. No good can come of this. I really have nothing to say about Mardi Gras. If you want to see my tits...ask. No beads required. No holiday needed. It's that simple. Welcome to singledom SIF. You're so desperate for someone to look at your tits, you flash at will. I'd prefer to not associate flashing the girls with any holiday starting with "Fat." Not to mention...Tuesday is dead to me. It's all about new me Monday. Duh. Covered this. As of today I'm down 36 pounds. The divorce diet is highly underrated. I feel like Dr. Oz should be talking more about it. Fuck water. Divorce is forever. Bra fat...gone. However, whatever one calls the fat under your ass cheeks...still there. Maybe it's waiting for the divorce to be finalized. I shall call it... stubborn. You can see how flashing my tits as opposed to my ass seemed like a good plan. No one likes ass muffins. Yes, I shall call them ass muffins.

Mother is still hoping I'll lose more weight... and El Conejo. One out a two aint bad. I will never leave El Conejo. He loves me and my muffins. Granted...he bites. I'm sorta into it. Who else is nibbling on all that is me? Allow me to answer that...no one. I wouldn't even know how to date at this point. I'd need to Swifter the Beav for starters. They don't currently make a "come fuck me" scent so I'm holding off on wet jetting. I'm sure you can understand my predicament. How does one market the following: overweight, single mother of 2 bulldogs with a virginal vagina seeks anyone with a non-battery operated penis to service her? I feel the virginal vagina bit is my only hope of a score. I'm ok with that. Time to dust.

So I'm sitting home. Alone. Watching the news. I know...no good can come of this. I could be eating. I should pay a visit to dirty hot neighbor. A lot of good can come of that. Manorexia. Seriously. This is news? First men try to keep us on our backs and in the kitchen...now they steal our only hope at being skinny?! I would say Brian Williams SHOULD be reporting this. I find myself being less than sympathetic. Why? I can't be sure. Bcs they are men. They are suppose to open doors and know better. Leave the non-eating to the bitches. The only ribs I wanna see on a man should be hanging out of his mouth with BBQ sauce. The bigger the better. Unless you have broad shoulders. We all know that equals small penis. Let's not go there. Non eating men are about as bad as the Skinnegars. If you don't know the term...catch up on your blog reading. I can't keep repeating myself. It's exhausting. Stay with me.

So if you can't make it to Nawlens for Fat Tuesday...no worries. You can be fat every day. It's all the rage. I have to go now. Some SIF just showed up at my door. I can only imagine they want to see my ass muffins. They look hungry. Peace.