I will...

When Tara passed away, the words "I will" immediately came to mind. As writers, we don't always know why certain things come to us. We just know it's what needs to be said and try to fill in the blanks. Now that a few weeks have gone by, I understand why. Because Tara never said "I can't." She just did. Her can do attitude extended to everyone she loved. If you couldn't fix it, she would. Even if it meant telling you to do something you didn't want to do. There are an endless amount of things I will miss about you "Homey", but most of all...."I will" miss you. I will...never forget your infectious laugh and beautiful smile. You're absouletly right...Those White Strips really do work. I will...never be able to emulate your jest for life. I'm just too lazy. You found happiness in the craziest things. Garlic? How is this cause for celebration? I can't be sure. I just know it went in everything...minimum 10 cloves. I will...never cook like you. You tried...I just love McDonalds Homey. That's where I went before every dinner you invited me to. Sorry. I was hungry. Who eats dinner at 11pm? You. I will...always eat at 6 o'clock in the "afternoon"...just to piss you off. By the way...that's actually evening. I will...continue to bring store bought 7 layer dip to every party. I'll await the strike of lightening. I will...never be able to run one step without wishing you were next to me. Even when you smelled like Shiraz at 7am. I will...always hear your voice yelling at me at 6:45am "Damn Homey! Are you ever late?! Why do we have to run so early?" I will...never be able to explain to you why everyone else works 8 hours a day. They just do Homey. They just do. I will...never let anyone else call me General Byrd. I'm changing my name just for you. Oh and the divorce n all. I will...always have drunken dance parties in the kitchen just for you. EZ-E, countertop dancing and dog humping. It's soo cute. NOT. I will...never let Yenny stop cleaning or cooking. She didn't take the yob at Lowes. No mas pancakas Y tocina. I will...never forget that early morning run when you said "You are my worst fuckin nightmare." I consider that a compliment. I will...never stop laughing at how you got people to do just what you wanted. Everytime. I never liked wine. Thanks. I will...always remember you trying to control my love life. The answer to your last email was "yes." -pinche I will...never stop laughing at your version of "being on the wagon." "That just means I'm switching to beer Homey." Love that wagon of yours. Gonna have to take a ride on it sometime. I will...never understand how you were the only realtor without a smart phone. You were a realtor right? :0) I will...never forget that day on the pier. It was a Saturday. A client called. You were appalled. "Who calls on a Saturday?" Realtor of the Year...that was you. As long as you called Mon-Fri, after the run, before lunch and not after happy hour. I will...never forget how you laughed at anything I wrote or said. I'm not that funny. You just needed new friends :0) I will...never dance like you. For the record that's not a compliment. I have soul, I know more than 1 move & I'm not allowed on the seam. I will...always remember showing you my boobs after I had them done. I think that was preceeded by, " Hi, I'm Kelly, nice to meet you." Peas and carrots. I will...never forget how you always told me how great I looked. At 200 pounds as well as 150. I'm sure this makes you a friend. Or a candidate for Lasick. Can't be sure. I will...add to the last statement by saying, telling me "You were gettin heavy" after the fact was not amusing. Follow that with "Doug said it's like takin (6) 5 pound bags of potatoes off your ass"...and I hear friend of the year calling. Never eating again. I will...make that stupid chicken dish you made Susan and I. Only bcs you said I couldn't. I can. I just prefer to have sex over grilling pine nuts for 12 hours. I'm sure you understand. I will...always follow the things I don't like to do with "I'd rather have the clap." You coined it. It lives on. I will...always refer to the food I love most in the following manner "It's like an orgasm in my mouth." I'm sorry to report this will most likely be some sort of fast food combo. But your spirit will be there all the same. Oh and this is why we never took you out to dinner. We understand it to be a compliment. The general public isn't quite there yet. That and we were afraid you'd bust out a coupon. I will...always wonder how you managed to like everyone. There are just some people I don't like. I don't care what you say. I will...thank you one day for keeping my secret. That's singular. Bcs it's the only one you ever kept. And it wasn't even a big one. Remind me to smack you around a bit when I see you again. I will...tell everyone how you ate an entire pizza. I watched you. Heffa. And still wore single digit jeans. I will...start returning my 10 year old jeans to Victoria Secret. I wouldn't want them to worry something might have happened to the one person who actually read the return policy. I will...admit to making sure your Mom reads the blog and tells me it's funny. You were my only fan. Now what? Mom has agreed to take over. I will...always be fascinated that you donated 6 organs. Only bcs we all believed your liver to be undesirable. I fear there's hope for mine. I will...or should I say I would...appreciate it if you stop haunting my dreams. If you wanted to get in bed with me you had the last 9 years to do so. I will...be watching "I'll Have Another" win the triple crown. Show off. Ok...I made that funny for you Homage. But I have some serious stuff to say. Don't worry...just a little... I will...no longer be afraid of death. I know you are waiting to run with me. One day sister...One day... I will...always appreciate every breath I take. I breathe for you. I will...never be unhappy. Life is too short. I will...never let anyone say a bad word about you. EVER. I will...write my book and dedicate it to you...promise. I will...make sure your animals are always loved. Yes, even the cat. I will...never forget being with you in the hospital during the last hours of your life. You looked so beautiful. Even in pain. I will...forgive myself for not being able to save you. You came to me. You set me free. Thank you. I will...never judge anyone again. You taught me to accept people for their good qualities. I will...take care of your family. They are my family now. I will...never forget you my SIF, my Homey, my Homage...my forever friend. I love you Tara Burlage! General Byrd aka Kelita aka whatever other crazy names you came up with for me :0)