No I'm not talking about two all beef patties special sauce lettuce cheese pickles onions on a sesame seed bun. * Pause for breath* I'm talking about two tall no patty havin lettuce eatin pickers... hold the bun! Yes, these creatures I refer to are the ones in front of you at McDonald's holding up the line bcs they can't decide which salad has the least amount of fat. Be gone Bitches! You are in fatty land and we don't appreciate waiting for food on a good day much less behind a 35 year old who still shops in the children's section! How dare you enter our turf? There's plenty of grass outside..."graze on" and stop trying to turn our heaven into your hell. Aint happenin sisters. We have "people" in "places" to ensure that we can always turn a good fat trick when needed. This is why I am a strong believer in the drive-thru. I wouldn't know if a 1/4 pounder was in the car in front of me as long as they ordered expeditiously and from the menu. However, they tend to give themselves away by removing key items from the carefully thought out combinations prepared by the master chefs at McDonald's. "Hold the sauce, hold the bun, extra lettuce"...again...pull away from the drive thru and graze. It's ok...we understand. It's takes dedication to wear a 9 month onesie at 35. Only a 1/4 pounder could pull that off. Besides crotch snaps are so out.
If the 1/4 pounders continue to frequent McDonald's, we'll be forced to head next door. In fact, it seems more appropriate. I'm willing to give the skinnies the title of 1/4 pounders as long as the fatties align themselves with the Whopper. The similarities between a fatty and a Whopper are uncanny...too big, over indulging, mysterious, deadly and quite yummy. Everything making sense but the mystery part? Here's the thing...I don't understand why the cheese doesn't come standard. It's the biggest item on the menu and we are forced to ask for more?! Is this an attempt to shame us? I intend to get an answer on that very perplexing issue very soon. Perhaps the cheese pushes it from 2,999 calories to 3,065. Anything to stay below the daily caloric allowance in one sitting I suppose. The Whopper Jr. is always an option...or not. It's just not in the fatty DNA to half step. If we want a burger we want "the" burger not it's evil shrunken down twin ridden with half the guilt. Guilt is guilt. Murder 1, Murder 2...still guilty....still murder. It boils down to intent. I never intend to eat less so why would I knowingly stop in for a Jr. and a Diet Coke when I can premeditate my plan to eat a Whopper (with cheese) and go down like the true criminal I am. Serial Killer...Serial Eater. Something must be killed to satisfy. I'm just sayin is all.
A war is brewing between the fatties and the 1/4 pounders. I'm not sure how it will all play out but for now we need to stay on our respective turf. Fatties...stay clear of McDonald's and children's clothing stores. 1/4 Pounders...stay away from Burger King and any clothing racks above a size 8 bcs 10 is the new "plus size." Say it aint so! The 1/4 pounders keep pushing the chart further into their territory. We need to rage war and take back 1o before they move in for 8! Calling all 22's and above...you have been drafted into an impending battle. Let's unsnap those onesies and show them how the big girls role...lookout!
What the hell is a Sister in Fat? It's a bond uniting women everywhere. The inner fatty living deep within all of us. She convinces us supersizing is acceptable as long as we wash it down with a Diet Coke. Here at SIF we celebrate "New Me Monday" EVERY Monday, eat lunch at high noon and hide food from those who judge us. It's not about size sisters. If you have an inappropriate relationship with food and obsess over weight loss/gain...you ARE a SIF! Welcome Home!
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